I've got to wear shades

I really thought Maison's infatuation with with her "Elton John" glasses would end after we let her wear them to dinner last night...but no...she insisted on wearing them to school today. I couldn't even deter her by letting her ditch the school uniform in honor of Daddy's 40th b-day. Apparently, nothing goes better with a pink and white striped dress than pink "Elton John" glasses...

Sometimes you just have to wear shades (even if they don't technically cover your eyes!)...

In need

When we were getting ready to leave for Adam's pre-birthday dinner, Maison got to the front door and then ran back inside saying, "I need my glasses...I NEED my glasses."

And she didn't just need them for the ride over. She needed them when we went in and during dinner. Yes, we got a few stares but she was happy...keeping a 2 yr old happy during dinner is definitely worth a few stares!

The OCD Apple

For the last several months Maison throws a fit if things are on her fingers or on her clothes. She shouts out, "On the finger!" if she has food on her fingers and will not continue eating until her hands or clean. If she drops something on her shirt she'll yell, "On the shirt! On the shirt!" until it is wiped off. I really started to appreciate Maison's OCD trait when after dinner the other night she pointed to crumbs on the table and then looked at Adam and said, "Clean this up." I've been wanting to say that for years!

But then today I heard a major meltdown coming from the playroom while I was on a conference call and my mom was watching Mais. Apparently Maison was extremely unhappy that she had fuzz from the playroom rug on her pants. In her defense, the playroom rugs shed worse than the 3 cats we had collectively and she had on fleece pants so they pick up everything. When she realized her pants were covered in piles of red fuzz she told Nooey, "I need a shower." Noo was a little perplexed as to why Maison needed a shower and upon asking her for an explanation she received mass hysteria regarding said shower. When Noo finally calmed her down Maison looked at Noo and said, "Ok, how about a bath?" Yes, the OCD apple doesn't fall too far from the tree!

Santa lives in Plano, Texas

We were just in the children's clothing section of Target and Maison said, "Santa Claus, Santa Claus!" She was with Adam so I glanced over to see what they were doing. Maison was in Adam's arms pointing at a man with white hair and beard and glasses. This poor man totally played along. He said, "I hope you are being a good little girl and doing everything your mommy and daddy tell you". This only egged Maison on. She proceeded to have an entire "conversation" with him. Adam was as red as Santa Claus's suit from embarrassment as he tried to walk away with Mais. She was now screaming at the top of her lungs as they walked away..."SAAAANNNTTTA CLAAAUUUSS!"

I watched this entire scene go down but I saved myself from the embarrassment. As soon as I saw it involved a real person, I politely steered my cart in the other direction and watched from afar.

Hot Mess!

Maison is sick again (yes, again!) so I had a rough night staying up with her and listening to her cough on the monitor all night. Adam was not only kind enough to get up with her this morning but he even took her to go get us pumpkin spiced lattes at Starbucks.

We were in the playroom and I set my full latte on the brick planter where we always sit our drinks. I'm not sure what happened but within seconds I was drenched in piping hot coffee. I have never stripped so fast in my entire life. For once, my description is not an exaggeration for dramatic flare, as this is what your clothes look like covered in 24oz of pumpkin spiced latte:

I actually burned the skin on my stomach, arm, and leg bad enough that not only was it a rather alarming shade of red, it hurt pretty bad to wash the sticky pumpkin coffee off. As if losing my pumpkin spiced latte after no sleep and burning 25% of my skin wasn't bad enough, our couch and rug are sticky beyond belief, and during my strip tease I flung coffee over most of the Maison's new b-day toys. If that is not the most literal definition of a hot mess I don't know what is!

That's a major appliance, that's not a name!

Since having Maison we have realized that naming a girl a boys name and changing the spelling to the French word for house is not the slightest bit odd. In fact, we are just down right traditional at this point.

Let's take Maison's swim class as a first example...

Would Hudson like to go down the slide? Would Ashland (that's a girl) like to ride on Mr. Duck? How many seconds can Axel swim under water? Yes, Maison is pretty normal for our swim class.

I thought I had heard it all until last night we were at the park and Maison was playing with a little boy named Blaze. Yes, Blaze. Why on god's green earth would you name your child after fire?

As Ducky said in Pretty and Pink, "Blaine, Blaine? That's a major appliance, that's not a name."

The Thumbery

So normally when I refer to the Thumb I'm talking about the Tom Thumb grocery store that is right around the corner from our house. Today's thumb is in regards to my plant caring skills or lack there of. Apparently, I have a knack for growing the world's most difficult flowers yet kill the world's easiest plants to care for...this is true inside and out.

Let's first look at some examples inside the house:

Orchids - I have 2 orchid plants that peacefully live in the 2 bathroom windows by our tub. I enjoy seeing them every day, think about watering them, and get around to it about once every 2 weeks. Other than that I do nothing which is apparently the best course to take with an orchid. My dad who can grow anything killed the orchid plant I gave my mom for Easter last year in about 2 weeks.

This one was given to me on July 8, 2008. Yes, I have an orchid plant that continues to bloom and has for almost TWO YEARS...even through all our home remodeling.

This one was given to me on Sept. 8, 2009. It is still in the original plastic papery pot it came in and look at all those blooms!

Lucky Bamboos - I had a lucky bamboo that came in a flower arrangement that Adam gave me when we were in London for Valentine's day in 2006. I smuggled it back into the US in a brand new Burberry coat that I had bought (aside: some BIZATCH first class flight attendant on an AA flight from Chicago to Dallas stole it...I'm still furious about it!). That lucky bamboo was killed by Einstein constantly drinking it's water and chewing on it's leaves so Adam bought me a replacement.

Here is the replacement...Yep, yellow and dead.

My mom left me a big lucky bamboo when she moved to her new house. It was 3 huge bamboos that she had grown for years. Why is there only 1 now? That's right 2 have already shriveled up and died. HOW ON EARTH can you kill this many lucky bamboos? ...apparently they are not so lucky!

Now for some outside examples:

Encore Azaleas - I've always loved azaleas and wanted to plant some around our back patio and pool. I talked to Carlos, our lawn guy, about planting them and he told me they wouldn't grow there because of the sun exposure and the poor quality of dirt. I was bound and determined to have azaleas so I decided I would do it myself. Last May, while I was about 4 months preggo, I dug out the entire flower bed down about a foot. Adam bought a tiller and churned the next layer of existing dirt with potting soil. My mom and I went and got 12 azalea bushes and my dad helped us plant them.

So over a year later...here are my azaleas in all their glory:

And Carlos said they wouldn't grow!

Palm Trees - We have 4 palms in our back yard, 3 of which have always flourished. Palms do really well in Dallas as long as you water them occasionally in the summer and be diligent about protecting them against the freeze in the winter. Apparently, this winter was a little much for our Mexican fan palms because I don't see a whole lot of fanning going on.

     

So for the "thumbery summary":

Inside plants - do nothing but sporadic watering

- Numerous lucky bamboo = killed

- 2 orchids = blooming

Outside plans - meticulous care

- Encore azaleas = blooming like crazy

- Mexican fan palms = dead; definitely not fanning

The only thing I can decipher from all of this is that I apparently have one green thumb and one brown one and should probably keep my 'thumbing' to shopping at "THE Thumb" as shopping is something I'm much more skilled at.

Donating to the Ra-tards

So our neighborhood garage sale is this Saturday. I was discussing with my mom and Adam whether or not we should participate because we literally have an entire house worth of stuff in our garage...washer, dryer, 3 glass tables, 3 mirrors, etc. It's a lot of work getting it all together and presentable to sell it so we were just going through everything. I commented that it would suck to have a bunch of stuff left because we would have to haul it up to Goodwill. This is the conversation that followed:

Mom: If you have stuff to haul off you can just call someone with a truck like Salvation Army or the Mentally Retarded

Me: So when you call the Mentally Retarded do you just call information and ask for them?

Adam: You mean the "Ra-tards?"

Mom: No, you just call my house.

Apparently if you have unwanted items you dial 411 and ask for the Ra-tards and they send a truck right over....GREAT...WHO KNEW????

Opening Day!

Today Adam and I went to the opening day Rangers game. The game was pretty non-eventful (Rangers won 5-4 with a 2 run come back in the 9th) but the crowd did not disappoint, especially in our section. Two of our 'friends' from last year's home opener were there...the guy who "paid for a seat in the sun" sat in the row in front of us and the "I'm just sitting here eating my nachos" guy was a couple of rows up on the right. See last year's post "I paid for a seat in the sun" for their story. They unfortunately didn't provide any entertainment this year, but we definitely had some others that were quite the crowd pleasers...

Maison wore her baseball 'uniform' in honor of opening day:

View from our seats:

Curly haired mullett (such a rare sighting and literally right in front of us!):

Full grown man wearing a Rangers uniform. Complete with Rangers mock turtle neck. As you can see he was sitting across the aisle from Adam so I had to pretend to take Adam's picture in order to get a shot of this guy. As my Nannie would say, "he wasn't quite right" to say the least as he would literally throw a fit every time the Rangers had a bad play. It was quite entertaining....

In the 8th inning the Rangers were losing 3-0 and the Blue Jays had a no hitter going so I was a little bored and took a picture of our 'little piggies'. While doing so I missed the best action of the entire game...

A streaker jumped over the rail at the end of our aisle, ran through the outfield, did a bellflop on 2nd base to which the umpire just pointed at him as if to say "Security, we have an issue here". The guy made it all the way to the pitcher's mound before a security guard body slammed him to the ground. Here is the best documentation I could get with the iPhone...

To wrap up our interesting sightings...we saw an adult Asian woman wearing a catcher's chest protector on her back...yes it was quite an interesting Opening Day this year....

Maison is missing!

Around lunch time, Maison went missing and we haven't seen her since. What is really weird is there is this old Jewish midget in her room. He keeps babbling so I could barely make out what he was saying, but I heard him say something about going to Florida for Passover. I really hope Maison makes it back in time for Easter...to be continued.

      

Soapy Splashtown Striptease

Let me preface this story with I was not soapy or the splasher which leaves me being the stripper...got your attention now didn't I...

Since I've been training for my triathlons I have been spending a lot of time swimming at the pool at LA fitness. Normally it's completely uneventful...not crowded, easy swimming, no issues. Wed night was a different story...pretty much issues galore. I headed towards the only empty lane which was the last lane by the wall. As I approached there was water every where...which of course is not that weird since it is a pool but normally there isn't much water on the pool deck since it's mostly used for lap swimming. I sit on the side of the pool to put my swim cap on and it rips. I should have decided then to go do something else but I decided to go ahead since I was already dressed and pretty much in the pool.

So about 5 min into my swim I figured out why there was water all over the deck next to my lane. Thanks to the rather large man next to me trying to swim the butterfly, water was being flung in pretty much every direction in mass quantities. I really don't mind getting splashed but having a wake of water hit my face when I go to breathe is not exactly pleasant. I decided to forge ahead...good practice for future open water swims...right?

Then the teenage Asian girls that put conditioner in their hair BEFORE they enter the pool arrived. I know they probably read in Cosmo that you should put conditioner in your hair prior to swimming because it will protect your hair against chlorine damage. I don't think they meant when you were going to be swimming in a public pool! So these girls get in reeking of Salon Selectives from 1999. Within minutes the entire pool was soapy. Now when the guy doing the fly passes me I get a nice face full of strawberry flavored chlorine water...YUM-EEE...

I've been swimming in a swimsuit I wore when I was pregnant that ties around your neck. I previously had a near wardrobe malfunction so had been tying it in a knot to swim. Apparently soapy water loosens knots...so as I'm swimming in this fab environment my top kept coming untied. Each time I caught it before flashing "the flyer" or the "salon selectives".

Where did I head yesterday after my doctor appt? To the new Keifer swim shop where I purchased 2 new suits and a nice new swim cap. Now for the flyer and the salon selectives...to be continued ;o)

I heart Ryan

No, not Seacreast! Not even Ryan Reynolds (though Adam does have a man crush on him!). Ryan Baby! at least that is what I refer to him as...

On Monday night we went to Buy Buy Baby (BBB) where there is a flamboyantly gay guy named Ryan that has worked there since they opened. He was there the night I registered and when he handed me the registry gun he told me, "It's going to be A-WE-SOME!" in a sing-songy voice that only a gay guy could deliver. From that day on Ryan has been by my side...for my registry completion with Shari that took up 3 carts, for my countless returns with no receipts, for my exchange of broken spendy items with not only no receipt but no box.

Monday night he really carved out a permanent spot in my heart...

I had a car seat mirror to return that I had bought in December that didn't work. It some how ended up discarded in the 3rd row of seats and I didn't even realize it was there until I laid down the seats to load up the weight bench and weights I got Adam for his b-day. When I heard a crunch and saw the light blue material peeking out from between the seats I thought it was a goner. It somehow survived with just a small tear in the fabric.

I made a bee-line for Ryan as we went in, chatting him up like he was my bestie. He of course said he would take the mirror back...no problem and asked if we were going to shop around. When I said yes, he responded "Of COURSE you are!".

When we were checking out I handed him a stack of 10 BBB and Bed Bath and Beyond coupons and told him I wasn't sure which ones were still good, or applied, or whatever. I work full time, have a newborn and a husband, play on 2 soccer teams and train for triathlons. The fact that the coupons were even in a stack ready to go to the store was amazing to me. Ryan, my sweet Ryan Baby, found a way to use EVERY SINGLE COUPON. He said normally they can only use ONE coupon per transaction but because we were such good customers he went ahead and used them all...even the expired ones. And not only did he just 'use' them...he used them smartly...applied the 20% off ones to my most expensive items, and then all the $5 off ones towards the total bill. So how much did my cart of goodies cost after my mirror return and coupon extravaganza? $31...yes, that's right...THIRTY ONE DOLLARS! So when you are considering shopping at the "I feel like I've gone to a foreign country" Babies R US just remember that they would NEVER treat a customer like this much less employee a gay guy. Take your business to BBB...just don't try to steal my Ryan Baby...he's mine!

Destruction of clothing, Exhibit B

I have previously mentioned that Adam is extremely hard on clothing.  He doesn't just have normal wear and tear like most people.  He out and out destroys things.  See previous post "This deserves a Cadbury Egg".

The day after the NC game Adam said "I guess I can't wear these shorts home." and showed me this:

I asked him when that happened and he said "I don't know.  Maybe when we were walking out of the game."  So he could have been walking around all day with his 'wears' hanging out and he didn't even notice or care nor did anyone else tell him he had a rip in his shorts.  Maybe that is the one benefit of being in a massive crowd...everyone is too busy pushing and shoving to notice that you have half of your bootie hanging out of your shorts.

Shower Sanctuary

Before having a baby I was a total bath person.  I LOVED to soak away sports injuries in a hot Epsom salt bath for hours while I read my gossip magazines.  Due to my love for baths I insisted on putting in a 6 foot heated Jacuzzi tub when we did our home remodeling. 

Since we have finished our remodeling and had Maison I've used the bathtub exactly ZERO times.  That's right...the luxurious tub I insisted on has turned into a holder for Maison's little blue infant tub.  Who has time for an hour soak with a newborn?  Ok, so even if you could find the time who would want it?  The tub area is open...open to sounds, interruptions, etc.  Not exactly a relaxing environment if you have to hear a crying baby, Baby Einstein songs, or the hustle and bustle of a house with a newborn.  So...what is my new must have?  Adam's shower...

Yep, I'm taking over Adam's master bathroom must have...a nice tall shower with a 'rain' shower head.  It is warm, relaxing, quiet...free of interruptions quiet!  I use to shower twice a day before having Maison (I'm OCD..what can I say).  Since having Maison I'm lucky if I get to shower once a day so when I do get to shower I make it worth my while.  I must admit if Adam's home or my mom is watching Maison I tend to linger..."linger WAY too long" linger..."run the hot water out" linger, "fall into a day dream" linger.  It is my new sanctuary...a quiet, silent, spiritual experience.  I'm sorry Adam, the shower is now mine.  You can have 'my tub'...I knew I insisted on a 6 foot tub for a reason!

Newborn Photo Poop?

On November 17th we took Maison for her newborn photo shoot so that we would have some pictures to use for her birth announcement.  I had already come up with the idea to do the "party animal" birth announcement so we knew we wanted some pics with her in her white tiger Halloween costume.  The photographer suggested that Adam and I wear black and that we have Maison naked in the other pictures.  I was a little leery of having Maison naked when she was only 3 weeks old but we decided to go with it.  

This obviously wasn't the photographers first newborn shoot as she had 'puppy pads' laid down in case Maison were to pee while she was shooting.   Surprisingly, we didn't need the puppy pads because Maison didn't pee at all...she just decided to poop on me and on Adam.  There is a reason we call her the 'poo poo princess'.  I felt like an embarrassed dog owner when your dog pees on a display at Pet Smart.  They obviously expect animals to have accidents you just don't want it to be YOUR pet.  The photographer could have cared less.  She wasn't the one pooped on and she said she could edit out anything on us if it were to show up in the pictures.  Poor Adam had to go back to our house before he could go into work because he didn't have another shirt with him.

Despite the shit storm (literally!) we were very please with how the pictures and the birth announcement turned out.  We went ahead and had them design our Christmas cards with the 'best' family shot.  

         

Birth Announcement (front and back):

   

This is Texas....Parker, Texas that is...

While our house was being finished we stayed at my parents for 5 weeks after Maison was born.  I had visited my parents often and we had stayed there on and off through our home remodeling but I had never been there long enough to notice several oddities in their neighborhood until we were there for 5 straight weeks...

My parents neighbor has a live nativity scene and when I say live I mean living animals that they purchased and care for all year long so that they can participate in the Christmas pageant at the church each year.  Ok...so anyone can feed and care for a few donkeys...right?  Uh, this guy not only has donkeys, he has a camel...are you kidding me?  Who buys a camel for a yearly gig?   Here is the camel hanging out with the donkey...

I mentioned in an earlier post that I took Maison to Bob Woodruff park almost everyday.  After a few trips I decided to venture to the trails that spawned off the lake.  One of the trails went on forever and along the way I found a peculiar sign..."No Horses Allowed Beyond This Point"

I've lived in Texas a long time and have ridden horses most of my life and I have never seen such a sign.  This trail is NOT a horse trail; it is a paved bike, run, skate, etc trail.  I have no clue why anyone would even think to take a horse on the trail much less need a notice not to take a horse past a certain point.  The sign was conveniently located about 10 yards from a huge picnic area and then another 20 yards or so to reach the lake that is always highly populated with walkers, runners, children on the playground...so why on earth would anyone take a horse there?  I thought this sign was so odd...yet the more I walked on this trail and the further I went I now know why it was there.  Apparently some people DO ride horses on paved trails and let them 'do their business' on said trail.  I've run/biked/skated/walked on Plano trails for about 20 years and have seen a lot of 'dog business', 'duck business', and even a some 'unidentifiable business' (possibly squirrel or rabbit???), but never in my life have I seen horse poo up close and personal on a running trail....eeeewwwww!

So each day I either went a different route or went further on the trail than I did the day before...on several outings I noticed people picking pecans.  I'm not talking about 3-4 people...I'm talking 20-30 people.  Most of the trail I was walking on is part of the nature preserve.  I'm not versed in nature law but I don't think that is that legal.  Can you just take pecans from a nature preserve?  Uh, not like a sample but 5-gal buckets by the dozen?  I would have taken a picture or two to document the pecan pickers but there would have been a mass exodus towards the southern border so I decided to limit the pecan picking description to verbiage only.  

After telling my dad about the pecan pickers he told me that Carlos, our gardener, said Texas Pecans are 'big business'.  You can sell your picked pecans by the 5-gal bucket for money.  Who knew???  Apparently Texas Pecans don't go through any sort of processing before they are packaged and sold to the buyer.  Let's just say I won't be buying 'local' in the future...

I'm David Letterman and I'm wearing no pants

Actually, I'm Marcia Maslow and I'm wearing no shorts....

I left this morning through the back door to go on a walk so that I could leave the door unlocked and not have to carry keys with me. Our back door goes out to our patio and you have to leave our yard through the gate.

While I was out walking, it started to come a storm and the wind started picking up. I really didn't think much of it until I got home and could not open our back gate. Our gate has a tricky latch and if the wind blows really hard it will open the gate and slam itself shut only to be unopenable from either side. I tried to push down on the lever - nothing happened. I tried to pull up on the lever and give it a bit of a jiggle...again nothing. I started getting really anxious since I had no key to the front door, no cell phone, and a meeting that I had to be in the office for a 10:00...so I contemplated my options:

1. I could climb the fence and either aim for the concrete pool deck and hope to land on my feet or aim for the 6 ft high oelander bushes and hope for the best.
2. I could go to our neighbor's behind us and ask for some sort of tool to pry the gate open or assistance in opening the gate but since it was about 8:45 I thought they wouldn't be home
3. I could go to the neighbor's down the street to use the phone but I remembered that the woman who is home during the day is virtually disabled and can't really walk to answer the door and anyone I would call was at least 30 min away making my meeting impossible to make.

So I started thinking, the issue wasn't that I couldn't get enough pressure to depress the lever, it was that I couldn't maintain the pressure long enough because the lever was cutting into my hand when I put all my weight on it ....so a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.....

I decided to take off my shorts and wrap them around the handle to try to open the gate all the while praying that god would grant me one favor and please, please, please open the gate. Oh, and maybe a second favor...that no one would see me standing in the driveway in my drawers!

My trick worked!  I got the stupid gate open and got into the house with 45 min to shower, eat breakfast, and drive into work.  I ran around like my head was cut off to get ready so quickly and was about to shut down my computer when I noticed my manager had sent a cancellation for the meeting.  Urrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

I paid for a seat in the sun

Yesterday, Adam and I went to the Rangers home opener.  We've been to either the Rangers or the Cubs home openers for the last 5 years and I have to say this was the worst ever.  The openers are always day games so we at a minimum take the afternoon off.  We had planned on leaving at 11:30 for the 1:00 game so that we could have plenty of time to get to Arlington and be in our seats when George W. threw out the first pitch.  Since neither of us give a squat about the Rangers, I was really looking forward to seeing W more than the game.  

11:30 came and went and I was still trying to save an excel spreadsheet I had worked on all morning for work.  Of course, it was not responding and when I finally convinced my manager to monitor it from the server and save a new copy it was already noon!  Adam drove like crazy and we got to Arlington about 15 min before the game started.  We had agreed we would just valet so that we could make it in by first pitch.  The traffic around the ballpark was horrendous which even though it's a major sporting event the Rangers rarely have much of a crowd so we didn't get the traffic sitch.  We waited patiently to get to the valet and were informed it was full - no sign, no warning, just wait 30 min in line for nada.  

We drove around the entire ballpark and all Ranger parking we were directed to was full, again without warning...only verbal information once you got to the front of the line.  We finally decided to park at Six Flags and walk.  By the time we got to Flags, there was at least 15 cars in front of us...we had to park right by the entrance gates and walk all the way to the ballpark.

By the time we got our tickets from will call, fought the crowd to our seats, removed the people from our seats, and sat down, it was the top of the 3rd.  Uh, the closest I came to George was hearing his commentary over the loud speaker while I was in the bathroom line.  

As if this couldn't get any worse, it was the coldest opening day in Rangers history.  It was in the low 40s with 20 mph winds.  I had plenty of layers but was still pretty happy that our seats were in the sun...at least for the next few innings.  

View from our seats - looks a lot warmer than it was!

Adam went to go fight the lines for some food and while he was gone a slight altercation took place on the row behind us.  We had bleacher seats which are assigned seats but it is not specified how much space each person gets.  This couple shows up and asks everyone on their row to scoot down since they have 2 tickets and there is only space for 1 of them.  This incredibly large mexican guy next to them asks someone towards the end of the row to move down and the man replied, "No, I'm in the seat on my ticket...I paid for a seat in the sun".  I literally almost burst out laughing.  I've been going to Ranger games since I was a little kid and NEVER once heard anyone say they paid to sit in the sun.  If anything, people lie, cheat, and steal a seat from a newborn just to get a seat in the shade.  The large man was not going to let this one go...he said, "you don't have to get upset, I'm just trying to help a brother out and eat my nachos".  They traded snide comments for a good 5 min.  I really restrained myself from providing my 2 cents, not because I feared he would dump his nachos on my head, but because I didn't want to turn around in my seat and possibly touch the freezing metal that my bootie had not already warmed up.

I was so anxious to tell Adam what he missed out on when he returned from his food run since it was the highlight of my day thus far, but he was pouting because the stupid Rangers no longer have Hebrew National all beef hotdogs and replaced them with some hokey Texas BS called Sheriff Blaylocks grilled dogs...uh, really?  I hate hotdogs but enjoy a Hebrew National when it is brought to my seat by a acne ridden teenager carrying a metal box in the 100 degree heat...I don't necessarily think Adam's hotdog crisis trumped my 'sunny seat antics' but I'm just sayin.

By the 5th inning our entire section was in the shade and it was freezing.  Overall, the weather sucked, the game was boring (8-1 Rangers), and I missed the highlight of the entire trip...George!  So the next time I go to a Rangers game and someone says they paid for a seat in the sun, I will reply "well I paid for 80 degree weather, an empty valet line, a hebrew national, and FREAKING GEORGE W BUSH, so pipe down and enjoy your GD nachos!"

This deserves a Cadbury Egg

Adam and I were out running errands and had an unexpected occurrence....

      

Yes!  these are Adam's shorts or what's left of them.  When we left Great Indoors and went to get back into the truck, Adam said, "I think I ripped my shorts".   That was the understatement of the world.  He pretty much tore them in half.  Of course, I found this hysterically funny except when he made me go into the Thumb because he didn't want to go in with his rear end showing.  I felt sorry for him so I bought him a cadbury egg to make up for it...

Adam has a history of demolishing clothing - I don't know what he does but it is never a slight tear, a pulled thread, a fray... but always an out and out, can never wear again, tear.  If anyone knows where to buy 'tough skins' for 6'7" men let me know!

I still love Super Target

I was in Super Target buying my usual $200 worth of unnecessary items and had a 'I'm turning into my mother' encounter. When I was getting ready to leave the checkout line I somehow got the cart stuck underneath the little check writing shelf and it would NOT MOVE. If I pushed or pulled it seem to just get more stuck. The 70+ year old cashier came over to help me and proceeded to tell me that both pushing and pulling were making it worse...uh, what on earth did he want me to do...unload my Britney CDs, closet organizers, and other precious items into another cart so that he could help the next person who was rudely rolling her eyes at me as I apologized! I think he was missing the point that if I were to leave my stuck cart it would still be just that, STUCK. Anyway, with his assistance we finally got it out and I was sent on my merry way as he commented "That's why we don't let women drive" or something to that effect. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes at him so I gave him a courtesy laugh as I walked away.

As I walked outside I noticed what a gorgeous day it was...sunny, mid-70s in December none the less, so I started to forget about my 'stuck cart' incident. I unloaded my purchases into the car and went to get in the drivers seat. As I was getting in I felt something tugging on my boot and noticed my scarf (for fashion not for warmth) was stuck to the bottom of my boot. I pulled it off and noticed I had tore a HUGE FREAKING HOLE in my cashmere scarf. What are the chances? So I did what every other sane women does...I called my mom to tell her what I had done. She laughed so hard she could barely get a word out, but once she finally did all she could muster was that I was turning into her. She said she and I were the only two people on earth that could get a cart stuck in a register lane and then proceed to tear a hole in a piece of clothing. She did tell me that a sweater weaver should be able to fix it...uh, if anyone knows a good sweater weaver in Dallas that dabbles in cashmere repairs please let me know.